Below is a list of tips that may be helpful when writing essays for shop reports. Please feel free to print and use as a reference.
1. Employee descriptions – try to make them uniform and detailed when possible. Employee descriptions should be written as followed when possible: gender, age, height, build, hair color, eyeglasses or not, facial hair (for men). Please remember that someone on the other end is reading about themselves…being referred to as dumpy, or “in need of dental work” does not make for a happy day for that person!
2. Do not use “approximately” before a time – it makes it sounds like you are estimating, and the client may wonder what else you’re not paying full attention to. Approximately IS okay to use when referring to an employee’s height.
3. Comment boxes for questions – when you see a comment box for a question, such as “What do you think our facility excels at?”, please be sure to use complete sentences and be specific. Instead of saying, “better service” would be an improvement, say, “It would be beneficial if the server check on customers soon after they receive their meal to make sure everything is okay.” This is specific and gives the client good information to work with.
4. Reports with comment boxes vs. full narratives – if you are scheduled for a shop that has comments after each section as opposed to a full essay, please provide good details. It seems as though shoppers tend to write only one or two sentences in the comment boxes. Please treat them as you would an essay – detail is important, especially in the sections that pertain to employees/customer service.
5. Shopping scenarios – if you are assigned a shop that requires you to write out the scenario, please be sure to use complete sentences and describe the scenario completely. Simply writing “Scenario #1” or “looking for a new house – I just sold my other one” doesn’t give the client a lot to go on when evaluating the employee’s performance.
Other General Tips
1. Do not use contractions – it is better to spell out words completely
2. Write out numbers below ten
3. Money and percentages should always be fully written out ($7,500.00 vs $7500, 6.0% vs 6%)
4. Do not use abbreviations (OK – okay, approx – approximately)
5. Time - 7:00 pm vs. PM – use the lower case pm without periods for consistency
6. Do not use passive voice - He explained that you would get a discount if you chose this option. vs. He explained that I would get a discount if I chose this option.
7. Do not underline or use exclamation points for emphasis.
8. Had on vs. wearing – “She was WEARING a name tag” or “her name tag was visible” vs “she HAD ON a name tag.” Similarly, use “shirt” or “blouse” instead of top (i.e. she was wearing a beige top) – these just sound better.
9. Consistency – if you refer to customers as “patrons”, the word “patron” should be used throughout the report. If you refer to employees as “associates”, be sure “associates” is used throughout.
10. Like vs such as when describing something - It is better to say “there were many flavors, SUCH AS chocolate and vanilla. “ than “there were many flavors, LIKE chocolate and vanilla.”
Thesaurus Central
Here are some words to use when you’re stuck for ideas:
1. Employee: employee, sales person, sales associates, receptionist, greeter
2. Customers or people who accompany you on shops: guests, companion, spouse, patrons
3. For restaurants, “server” is a better option than “waiter/waitress” and “busser” is better than “bus boy.”
4. Use “woman” instead of “girl” or “lady.” You can use “female” if you are describing an employee (i.e. female employee vs “the female explained…..”). Likewise, “gentleman” is more appropriate than “the man” or “guy.”
5. “Children” is better than “kids”, “companion or spouse” is better than friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, neighbor, father, mother, sister, etc.
6. “Commode” sounds better than “toilet.” “Restroom” sounds better than “bathroom.”
7. Other words for “very” – quite, exceptionally
8. “Told me/said” – there are many other words to use. Essays become redundant when there is a lot of “he told me, then I told him, and he told me, etc.” Other words you can use include:
Described Replied
Stated Explained
Reiterated Went on to say
Mentioned Commented